School Avoidance: When “I Don’t Want to Go to School” May Be More Than Resistance

It is normal for children and teenagers to have days when they would rather stay home than go to school. A difficult test, friendship problem, early morning, or simply returning to a routine after summer can make school feel less appealing.

However, in some cases, reluctance to attend school may reflect underlying stressors, emotional concerns, or academic difficulties, among other factors.

A child may begin complaining of stomachaches every morning. A teenager who previously attended without difficulty may start asking to stay home, arriving late, or missing individual classes. School mornings may become increasingly emotional, with tears, arguments, shutting down, or beliefs that they cannot make it through the day. School attendance difficulties are a significant concern for many families. During the 2024–2025 school year, nearly 28% of Michigan students (387,934 children) were chronically absent, meaning they missed at least 10% of the school year. Although this represents continued improvement from previous years, Michigan’s chronic absenteeism rate remains higher than it was before the COVID-19 pandemic.

While chronic absenteeism and school avoidance are not the same, school avoidance composes a large part of the chronic absenteeism rates. Reluctance or difficulty attending school may reflect underlying stressors, emotional concerns, academic difficulties, or other factors that warrant closer attention. When distress begins to interfere with a child’s ability to attend or remain at school, school avoidance may be worth exploring more closely. Understanding why a child is struggling to attend is important, as the same behavior can have very different causes from one child to another.

What Is School Avoidance?

School avoidance, sometimes called school refusal, generally refers to a pattern in which a child or adolescent has significant difficulty attending or remaining at school. It may be obvious. A child might refuse to get dressed, leave the house, or enter the school building. In other cases, the pattern is much more subtle.

A child might:

• Frequently complain of headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or feeling sick before school
• Repeatedly ask to be picked up early
• Arrive late because mornings have become increasingly difficult
• Miss certain classes, activities, or days of the week
• Become highly distressed on Sunday evenings or the night before school
• Frequently visit the school nurse
• Ask for repeated reassurance about the school day
• Have emotional outbursts before school
• Become increasingly withdrawn or irritable when school is discussed

Physical symptoms are very real even when anxiety or emotional distress is contributing to them. Headaches, nausea, stomach discomfort, dizziness, and other symptoms are commonly reported by children experiencing school-related anxiety. However, new or concerning physical symptoms should still be discussed with a pediatrician or other medical provider to rule out possible medical causes.

Why Do Children Avoid School?

One of the most important things for parents and caretakers to understand is that school avoidance is a behavior, not an explanation. Knowing that a child is avoiding school tells us what is happening. It does not necessarily tell us why. There are many possible reasons a child might struggle to attend school.

Anxiety

Anxiety is one common contributor to school avoidance.

A child may worry about:

• Separating from a parent
• Being called on in class
• Making a mistake
• Taking a test
• Giving a presentation
• Being judged by classmates
• Using a public restroom
• Having a panic attack
• Getting sick at school
• Something bad happening while they are away from home

Some children can clearly describe these fears. Others may only be able to say, “I don’t know. I just can’t go.”

Social difficulties

Friendship conflicts, bullying, teasing, feeling excluded, or worrying about fitting in can make school feel threatening rather than supportive. This can be particularly difficult for adolescents, for whom peer relationships often take on increasing importance.

Academic difficulties

Sometimes what looks like anxiety about school is closely connected to academic demands.

A child who struggles with reading, writing, math, attention, processing speed, memory, or executive functioning may spend much of the school day working significantly harder than peers.

Imagine repeatedly entering an environment where you expect to feel confused, embarrassed, behind, or unsuccessful. Avoiding that environment may begin to feel understandable!

This is one reason it can be important to consider learning and cognitive factors when school avoidance occurs alongside persistent academic difficulties.

Perfectionism and fear of failure

Not every child struggling academically is performing poorly. Some high-achieving students experience significant distress because making a mistake, receiving a lower grade, or disappointing others feels intolerable.

A student may procrastinate, avoid assignments, miss school before tests or presentations, or spend excessive amounts of time completing work. From the outside, the student may appear successful. Internally, however, maintaining that performance may require an unsustainable amount of anxiety and effort.

ADHD and executive functioning difficulties

School requires much more than simply understanding academic material.

Students must remember assignments, organize materials, transition between activities, manage time, begin tasks, sustain attention, tolerate frustration, and keep track of multiple deadlines.

For children and adolescents with ADHD or executive functioning difficulties, these demands can become overwhelming—particularly as expectations for independence increase.

Repeatedly falling behind, forgetting work, receiving corrections, or feeling unable to keep up can eventually contribute to frustration, anxiety, and avoidance.

Changes or stressful experiences

School avoidance can also emerge after:

• An illness or extended absence
• A move or school transition
• A difficult interaction with a teacher or peer
• A significant family change
• A loss
• A frightening event
• A period of increased anxiety or depression

Sometimes the initial reason for staying home resolves, but returning to school becomes increasingly difficult.

Why Staying Home Can Make Anxiety Stronger

This is one of the most confusing parts of school avoidance for families.

Imagine that a child wakes up extremely anxious about school. After a difficult morning, the parent agrees that the child can stay home.

Almost immediately, the child’s anxiety decreases.

That relief is powerful.

The child’s brain learns:

School felt frightening → I avoided school → I felt better.

The next school morning, avoiding may become even more appealing. This does not mean the child is manipulating anyone. From the child’s perspective, avoiding something that produces intense distress can feel entirely logical.

The problem is that avoidance often reduces anxiety in the short term while helping it persist in the long term. Avoiding feared situations may provide temporary relief but can allow anxiety to continue.

This is why responding to school avoidance often requires a careful balance: taking the child’s distress seriously without allowing anxiety to make every decision.

What Should Parents Do When a Child Does Not Want to Go to School?

There is no single response that is appropriate for every child, because the first step is understanding what is driving the difficulty. Still, several principles can be helpful.

Stay curious rather than jumping immediately to consequences

If a child repeatedly resists school, ask what is making attendance difficult.

Instead of focusing only on:

 “How do we make them go?”

also ask:

“What is making school feel so difficult that staying home feels necessary?”

This does not mean every explanation should automatically result in staying home. It means understanding the problem before deciding how best to address it. 

Validate the emotion without reinforcing the avoidance

Parents sometimes feel that they have only two choices:

1. Tell their child there is nothing to worry about, or
2. Allow the child to avoid anything that produces distress.

There is an important middle ground.

A parent might communicate:

 “I believe that this feels really hard, and we are going to help you through it.”

Validation means recognizing the child’s experience. It does not necessarily mean agreeing that avoidance is the best solution.

Look for patterns

Try to determine when the problem occurs.

Does your child struggle:

• Every morning?
• Mostly on Mondays?
• Before tests or presentations?
• During a particular class?
• After weekends or school breaks?
• When a specific peer is present?
• Following nights with inadequate sleep?
• When assignments are incomplete?

Patterns often provide useful clues about what is maintaining the difficulty.

Communicate with the school

Teachers, counselors, school psychologists, social workers, administrators, and school nurses may have information that families do not see at home.

They may notice academic struggles, peer conflict, frequent nurse visits, avoidance during particular activities, difficulty transitioning into the classroom, or changes in behavior. School avoidance is often best addressed collaboratively rather than by families trying to manage it alone.

Maintain routines when possible

Predictable morning, evening, and sleep routines can reduce some of the uncertainty surrounding school. When a child remains home, it is generally helpful to avoid unintentionally turning the school day into a highly rewarding alternative to attending. At the same time, the goal should not be punishment. The focus is on communicating that staying home because of anxiety is not a vacation while still treating the child with empathy and support.

Should You Make an Anxious Child Go to School?

Parents understandably struggle with this question. In many cases, prolonged avoidance can make returning to school increasingly difficult. Addressing school avoidance promptly and involving school and health professionals when the pattern persists can support change. However, “just make them go” can also oversimplify the problem.

Before developing a plan, it is important to consider whether there is:

• Bullying or a legitimate safety concern
• An untreated medical problem
• Significant learning difficulties
• Severe anxiety or depression
• Trauma
• A mismatch between the child’s needs and current supports
• Another factor making school genuinely difficult to access

Some children benefit from returning to their regular schedule relatively quickly. Others may need a structured, gradual return plan coordinated among the family, school, and treatment providers. The goal is not simply attendance at any cost. The goal is helping the child successfully return to meaningful participation in school while addressing whatever made attendance difficult in the first place.

When Should Parents Seek Professional Help?

An occasional difficult morning usually does not require treatment.

It may be time to seek additional support when school-related anxiety, physical symptoms, or distress starts interfering with functioning such as:

• Persists rather than improving as the child adjusts
• Leads to repeated absences, tardiness, or requests to leave early
• Causes significant distress at home
• Is accompanied by frequent physical complaints
• Interferes with friendships or activities
• Results in increasingly elaborate avoidance
• Causes family routines to revolve around preventing the child’s distress
• Continues despite reasonable support from parents and the school

Seeking help earlier can also be useful when the pattern is escalating quickly. Families do not need to wait until a child has accumulated weeks of absences before asking questions.

How Can Therapy Help With School Avoidance?

Effective treatment begins by understanding why the child is avoiding school.

When anxiety is contributing, therapy may focus on helping the child gradually approach situations they have been avoiding while developing skills for managing distress.

Depending on the child’s needs, treatment may also involve:

• Identifying anxious thoughts and behavioral patterns
• Gradually reducing avoidance
• Building tolerance for uncertainty or discomfort
• Developing coping strategies
• Addressing perfectionism
• Strengthening emotion regulation
• Helping parents respond effectively to anxiety
• Reducing patterns of excessive reassurance or accommodation
• Collaborating with the child’s school
• Developing a structured plan for returning to regular attendance

For younger children in particular, parents may play a significant role in treatment. The goal is not to eliminate every uncomfortable feeling before a child returns to school. Waiting until a child feels completely ready can sometimes unintentionally prolong avoidance.

Instead, treatment often helps children learn: “I can feel anxious and still do difficult things.” 

When Might a Neuropsychological Evaluation Be Helpful?

School avoidance does not automatically mean that a child needs a neuropsychological evaluation. However, a comprehensive evaluation may be useful when there are unanswered questions about why school has become so difficult.

For example, evaluation may be considered when school avoidance occurs alongside concerns about:

• Attention
• Reading, writing, or mathematics
• Memory
• Processing speed
• Executive functioning
• Social communication
• Significant discrepancies between ability and academic performance
• Emotional functioning
• A complex combination of academic, cognitive, behavioral, and emotional concerns

A child may genuinely feel anxious about school while also having an underlying learning, attention, or developmental difficulty contributing to that anxiety. In these situations, identifying the factors beneath the behavior can help families and schools develop more targeted recommendations rather than treating the avoidance itself as the entire problem.

Support for School Avoidance across Michigan

Brush Neuropsychology Services provides evidence-based therapy and comprehensive neuropsychological evaluation for children, adolescents, adults, and families throughout Michigan. Located in Troy, we serve individuals and families across Metro Detroit and Southeast Michigan, including Birmingham, Bloomfield Hills, Rochester, Rochester Hills, Royal Oak, West Bloomfield, Farmington Hills, Sterling Heights, Auburn Hills, and surrounding communities throughout Oakland and Macomb counties. When school avoidance is connected to anxiety, behavioral concerns, or other emotional difficulties, therapy can help families better understand the pattern and develop practical strategies for moving forward.

When questions remain about attention, learning, executive functioning, emotional functioning, or other factors affecting a child’s ability to succeed at school, a neuropsychological evaluation may help clarify the underlying concerns and guide individualized recommendations.

If your child is having increasing difficulty attending school, you do not have to wait until the problem becomes a crisis to begin asking why.

Contact Us

For more information about our evaluation or therapy services, contact Brush Neuropsychology Services. You can request a consultation through our website or by calling us at (248) 270-5974.

About the authors:

David Brush, Ph.D., L.P., is a clinical neuropsychologist and co-founder of Brush Neuropsychology Services, PLLC. He provides comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations for individuals across the lifespan and evidence-based therapy for teens, adults, and older adults. His training includes a doctoral degree from the University of Central Florida, residency through the Birmingham VA Medical Center, the University of Alabama at Birmingham, and Children’s of Alabama, followed by a neuropsychology fellowship through Michigan Medicine and the VA Ann Arbor Healthcare System.

Jordan Brush, M.S., L.L.P., is a limited licensed psychologist and co-founder of Brush Neuropsychology Services, PLLC. She provides evidence-based therapy and psychological assessment for children, teens, and adults. Her training includes a master’s degree in clinical psychology and clinical experience through the University of Michigan.